Published September 2018 on Spotfiy

94: This Is the Vulnerable Truth about Vulnerability | Deep Dive

1. Introduction

Gabriel and Jordan discuss the importance of authentic vulnerability and how it can help us build genuine connections with others. They also touch on how to spot different types of vulnerability in ourselves and others, and how this can be useful in protecting ourselves from those with hidden agendas.

2. Strange Dinner Party

Strange Dinner Party:Jordan shares his experience at a trendy dinner party where the host initiated a life-coach-like exercise to get everyone to connect. The exercise involved sharing one thing that they're struggling with, which felt forced and uncomfortable. This highlights a strange trend in the self-help world and how people are connecting with each other.
Forced Vulnerability:Jordan and Gabriel discuss the awkwardness of forced vulnerability exercises and how they often fail to create real intimacy and connection among participants. They explore the intentions behind these exercises and why they often fall short of their goals.

3. Authentic Vulnerability

Vulnerability Circles:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the pitfalls of forced vulnerability exercises and how organic connections are more effective in creating intimacy. They share their own experiences of feeling pressured to share too much and how it can lead to resentment or buyer's remorse.
Authentic Vulnerability:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the importance of authentic vulnerability and how trying to manufacture it can actually hinder genuine connection. They explore the paradox of trying to be authentically vulnerable and how it differs from simply going through the motions of vulnerability exercises.
Breaking the Cult:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the cult of vulnerability, where people feel pressured to share personal information in social situations. They explore how this pressure can be damaging and offer advice on how to break free from it.

4. Sponsors

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5. Authentic Vulnerability

Vulnerability Exercises:Jordan and Gabriel discuss the ulterior motives behind vulnerability exercises used in self-help seminars and how they can be manipulative. Jordan shares his experience with a seminar that went too far and made him feel uncomfortable. They question the need for fake vulnerability exercises and suggest that real vulnerability is what's needed.
Authenticity at Social Gatherings:Gabriel shares his experience at a dinner party where the host asked everyone to share their biggest fear. He explains how he chose not to participate and how it diffused the tension. Gabriel also discusses how society doesn't encourage authenticity and how we need to teach ourselves to listen to our authenticity.

6. Authentic Vulnerability

Authentic Vulnerability:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the difference between manufactured and authentic vulnerability. Authentic vulnerability means sharing a part of yourself without any specific expectation or goal in mind, and being exposed in some way because you want to, not because someone or something made you.
Self-help seminar aftermath:Jordan shares his experience of attending a self-help seminar and how it used manipulative tactics to create suggestible people. He discusses the manufactured vulnerability and how it doesn't work in the long run, leading to people not staying in touch with each other after the seminar.

7. Sponsors

Jordan talks about the benefits of standing desks and introduces Varidesk. He also shares his experience using FreshBooks for accounting, emphasizing its simplicity and time-saving features.

8. Authentic Vulnerability

Encouraging Authentic Vulnerability:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the importance of true vulnerability and how it responds to vulnerability. They explore the difference between organic and strategic vulnerability and offer insights on how to encourage authentic vulnerability without forcing it.
Authentic Vulnerability:Jordan and Gabriel discuss the importance of being authentically vulnerable in our day to day lives, rather than forcing vulnerability in a strategic way. They emphasize the need to be conscious and deliberate in our approach, without holding onto expectations or results.

9. Creating Authentic Connections

Creating Vulnerability:Jordan and Gabriel discuss the importance of vulnerability in social settings and how to create authentic interactions by giving vulnerability without expecting anything in return. They emphasize the need to avoid keeping score and covert contracts that can hinder genuine connections.
Authentic Vulnerability:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the difference between authentic vulnerability and strategic vulnerability, emphasizing that motivations are what determine the authenticity of vulnerability. If the motivation is to get something from the other person, then it's strategic, but if the motivation is about being open, connected, and understanding, then it's authentic.
Authenticity vs Strategy:Jordan and Gabriel discuss the difference between being authentic and using strategy when hosting a dinner party. They emphasize the importance of introspection and being honest about one's motivations.

10. Vulnerability Motivations

Vulnerability Motivations:Gabriel explains how becoming more vulnerable requires checking in with oneself to understand their own motivations. With more self-awareness, one can notice when and why they open up and start to catch themselves forcing vulnerability for strategic reasons. The key is to lead with motivations that lead to openness and connection, rather than end results and forced intimacy.
Authentic Book Marketing:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the nuances of book marketing and how to authentically share your mission with others without slipping into strategic use of vulnerability. They explore the importance of examining your motivations and being honest with yourself to avoid bait and switch tactics.

11. Workplace Vulnerability

Authentic Vulnerability:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the importance of self-awareness and letting go of expectations when trying to authentically express vulnerability. They also emphasize the idea that vulnerability has its time and place, and it doesn't have to exist in every single aspect of our lives.
Workplace Vulnerability:Gabriel and Jordan discuss the importance of context and brand when it comes to vulnerability in the workplace. They caution against being too open and vulnerable in inappropriate settings, like work or parenting, and emphasize the need for security and decorum.

12. Authentic Vulnerability

Gabriel and Jordan discuss the delicate balance of vulnerability in leadership and how it can create loyalty or sow seeds of doubt. They emphasize the importance of calibrating vulnerability properly by checking in with oneself regularly and being aware of the context in which it is shared. They also stress the importance of listening to one's instincts and being self-aware enough to understand when vulnerability can help or hurt.

13. Outro

Jordan and Gabriel discuss the importance of building relationships and networking. They emphasize the need to dig the well before you're thirsty and provide tips on how to develop these skills. Jordan also shares information about his upcoming live events and free networking course.